Demigods Can't Drive
by HermioneK
Summary: What would happen if one was to put an A.D.D., dyslexic child being chased by monsters was put in charge of a vehicle moving 70 miles per hour? Nothing good, obviously.


Percy POV

I smiled happily to myself as I lightly ran downstairs and into my car. I put on the radio and hummed along. I was so happy today; nothing could go wrong. Today I was visiting Annabeth at Camp Half-Blood. And, since I had finally taken driver's ed, I could drive myself there. I smirked at the thought of showing up at camp in my own car. It was a rare thing for most seventeen year olds, and rarer still for half-bloods. Hey, every guy has to show off in front of his girl _sometimes,_ right?

Putting the keys in the ignition, I backed the car out of the driveway and was soon on the expressway to Long Island Road. I gassed the acceleration and weaved through the different cars.

Suddenly someone cut very rudely in front of me. _"Irrumba vos!" _I spat at the green '85 Lincoln. Those words were unacceptable in any mainstream language. Or in front of my mother. As lovely as she is, she would not tolerate swearing. In any language.

I slammed on the brakes so I would not end up a Percy Pizza on the car's back window. I swerved into the lane next to me, which was luckily empty, and angrily eyed the driver. I regretted that decision immediately. The rude driver of the aforementioned car was none other than a harpy.

I gulped and stared straight ahead with my knuckles clutching the steering wheel so hard that they turned white. _Please don't eat me, please don't eat me, please don't eat me,_ I silently prayed to every god I knew, major and minor. I gassed the car even harder and shot ahead of the harpy. I looked at my rearview mirror, and thankfully the harpy was such a bad driver that she could not follow me. I only hoped that she didn't realize she could climb out and fly to me twenty times faster than she could drive.

I shook the thoughts out of my head and looked at the exit signs on my right. _101, 102, 103…_I silently ticked off in my mind. I knew I needed exit 140. Since I had a while, I turned up the radio and slouched comfortably in my seat. I had the common sense to pack a burger earlier and I reached over to the passenger seat, unwrapped it, and appreciatively stuffed my face with its greasy deliciousness. "Mmmmm," I said in obvious pleasure. "Delicious."

After eating, I resumed counting the exit signs. I jumped and almost caused an accident when I saw two sirens perched on the 135 exit sign. _Maybe this is why demigods don't drive that much…_I thought. I hunched over my steering wheel, as if this would make a difference as to whether or not the sirens would notice me. As I passed under the overpass, I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. I smoothly regained control of the vehicle.

_137, 138, 139..should be here soon….Ah ha! 140! _Grinning, I navigated the car to the exit ramp and decelerated in the appropriate lane. I had made it! I was almost to camp!

As soon as I left the freeway, I knew I was NOT almost to camp. This was nowhere near camp. This was, most definitely the ghetto. That was the only way I could describe it. I nearly shot out of my seat when a harpy started clawing my window. I drew my pen from my pocket and uncapped it. I had really hoped to simply drive to Camp Half-Blood, but obviously that was NOT going to happen. I was more disappointed that my arrival was delayed than by the fact that I now had to fight a monster.

I slammed the driver's door and sliced the head off of the harpy with one clean swoop. _That wasn't too bad._ I climbed back into the car and started driving. _Where the heck am I? So not camp…_ I drove to a payphone inside a small booth. On the way out of the car, I took my life in my hands whilst hoping not to get mugged. Well, more or less.

I called Annabeth's cell. Even though she was at camp, I was hoping she had kept it on just in case something happened. Turns out, she did. I hoped she wouldn't attract any monsters to camp.

"Percy?" she answered, sounding distraught. "Where are you?"

"That's what I wanna know!" I called out. "I'm took exit 140-"

"140? You were supposed to take 104!" I heard her literally slap her forehead and could practically see the long-suffering expression on her face that she usually wore when I was around.

Suddenly I heard a loud screeching sound. I pulled the phone from my ear and glanced over my shoulder. Sure enough, there was a flock of harpies currently preying on my old van. "WHY WON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?" I called out, which only drew their attention to me. "Gotta go," I mumbled into the phone and let it drop; its cord caught it before it hit the ground, leaving it swinging.

"Percy? PERCY? _PERCY?" _

I slashed at the harpies that were currently blocking the driver's door and then I belted myself in and locked it, as if that would make any difference. Peeling out, I screeched back onto the freeway and headed south, hopefully back to Camp Half-Blood. The harpies chased me all the while. I briefly wondered what the mortals would think.

About twenty minutes later, I arrived at camp. I parked the car behind a hill so that mortals hopefully would not see it. I slashed at a few more furies before I thankfully entered the boundaries of camp. I laughed maniacally at the harpies who couldn't get it. "AND STAY OUT!" I called, more than a little hysterically.

I turned around and saw Annabeth standing there, staring at me. "What-" she said, taking in the scratched up car, my ripped shirt, my jeans (in tatters), and the maniacal expression on my face.

I cut her off with a wave of my hand. "I don't want to talk about it," I said through clenched teeth. I stormed off to my cabin to change my clothes. "Damn dyslexia…"

**So this was inspired after I made a mistake just like this on my math test. Then I was driving and though, "Jeez, wouldn't driving be a disaster for an A.D.D., dyslexic child being chased by monsters?" And I also have issues with exit numbers. My parents still refuse to believe I'm dyslexic as well. Oh well. Hope you got a laugh.**


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